All The Lost Souls

Guest Poet: Ashish Verma

2011-01-29T23:21:00.000-08:00

I Repent

In the chime of rising suns

I feel the twilight born and done

The breeze blows a feather far

I’m so low in the sweet moon burn

In the affliction, the heart dips down

A bitter reflection in façade is found

I carry the light in rooms of mourn

Souls escaping with ghosts of lone

Rooted apart are veils of flair

Uphold tight are realms of dare

Aloud in midst I keep calling sound

She betrays me in all dreams dear

Triumphs despair in shades un-true

Despairs glare in glooms of blue

Just I wanted a heart to share

Absence of one pain in there

- Ashish Verma

Ashish Verma is an engineer working at BHEL, Mumbai. This is what he does when he is not working his ass off at office.

Song of a Coward

2011-01-09T06:38:00.000-08:00

Long have you been hiding alone in disgrace

Concealing your dark secrets,

They have now festered, grown and raised

Now bearing a Monster’s face

Long have you let that Monster torture your soul

Fed by the fear of being discovered

It has become an obese troll

Your sense of life is what it owns

Let go your mysteries, Let go your lies

Seek them from the darkest corners you hide

Your demons are for you to abide

Long have you cowardly held yourself back

Afraid of letting out the demon inside

Thinking of all the strength you lack

Boy, rediscover the courage you once had

Let go your mysteries, Let go your lies

Seek them from the darkest corners you hide

Your demons are for you to abide

Photography page from a guy who doesn't know even shit about Photography

2011-01-09T06:19:00.000-08:00

This is something that I picked up last year, and decided to put up a page for it with the collection of pictures I had.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Aveek-Mukherjee-Photography/137383536319069?v=photos&ref=ts

for further photo uploads to be notified as part of your Facebook News Feed, you would need to like the page.

The Soliloquy of a Ghost

2010-12-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

Looking over my mangled body

With the eyes fixed with fear

I weep for the beauty I never possessed

Draped in shadow, abandoned by nature

Where many had buried their futile tears

I lay in desolation, but not at rest

Out of the darkness, I crawl

Torn, I bleed in my mind

Unable to endure, I fall

Guilt and regret stains my hand

As all hope fades away

Your breath is a thing I can still recall

Your rash rude gaze mingled with fear

I stand, the wretched man

Squinting outside at dawn

My hunch turns to hope

Towards the light is where I ran

Will the morning glory make me newborn?

But my head is heavy and sore

With bells ringing in the dawn

I know I lie, I know I will die

My mind is a mess, and vision obscured

I try to look where you have gone

And because you live, so shall I

Musings of a Crazy Guy in Madras

2010-10-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

This would be my first post of 2010, not that I was unable to find time for this in the past 11 months, but in fact I had used most of my spare time in some extra hours of sleep. I will try to share some points on my survival in Chennai so far, and how my opinion about the city has altered in these months.

When I came to Chennai a year back, and spent the first three months, I was completely convinced that this is the worst place to live in. I never liked the food; it still takes every ounce of my will power to gulp down the sambhar rice. Tried very hard to learn and speak Tamil, I was pretty close with the pronunciations , but soon realized that it is beyond my scope, and didn’t waste much time to quit (I usually quit real quick); though to my dying day I will never know how I spoke Tamil 16 yrs back. I never thought I will survive a year in this place, but as often the case with relationships, where often discontentment and reluctance is followed by acceptance, and when you don’t see much options on the horizon, you tend to settle for what you have and try to hold on to it (usually the case with many Indian Marriages), my relationship with Chennai is of a similar kind. I have kind of accepted Chennai with all its faults and defects, till I find an appropriate and sensible way of moving to a different city.

Here are a few points about life in Chennai which might be of some help if you are planning to move here. All the thambis following this blog can ignore them….

Weather

Be prepared to lead a life when you have just one Season in your calendar, and that would be the season of summer. Yes, life in Chennai is not like the 500 Days of summer (for those who have mistaken summer as Zooey Deschanel), but more like the Days of Summer till the City Stands. The concept of winter, spring and every other season that we have in our calendar is alien to chennaites. No one can remember the last time the temperature dipped below 25 degrees. And it is not just the heat; because of its proximity to the ocean its humid too, so within minutes of you stepping outside of your home you will have sweat dripping from all over your body like a Rainforest.

Greenery

You won’t believe your control over ‘Tharak’ and the limits you would be able to push yourself to, this place is like the Azkaban for people who are a little too desperate… sometimes I feel some of the frustration is wiped off as sweat in the Chennai heat and the rest of it is dumped in some garbage bag inside your head. And the longer you stay in Chennai those garbage bags will keep piling up inside your head, to the point that it will blur your vision for girls around you. Someone who might have been ‘not good enough’ 6 months back, might start to look jerkworthy.. Only way to clear your head and avoid any possible fatal mistake about your life (like falling in love..), is to get out of the city to any other city in the country, and don't be surprised to see yourself jerking-off at every corner of the street in that city. I have seen people who have been driven mad momentarily when they landed at the Delhi airport from Chennai.

Lungi Capital

In Chennai, men are content to cover up just the ugliest curves of the male body while some less known ugly curves are kept exposed and open for everyone’s attention, which sums up to an extent the concept of the lungi in south India. So do not feel uncomfortable when you see people walking around in Lungis, while in other parts of the country it’s a kind of a home garment, for mallus and thambis though it’s a symbol of freedom and three out of every five of them(cooked up stats) wear them on the streets.

Lungi is one heck of a creation from the man, considered as a symbol of manliness by many, though the evolution of the concept probably has less to do with the expression of masculinity and more with the idea of giving air to the privates (attributed to the terrible humidity in the city). Much like the National Flag it is worn at Half Mast or Full Mast. Half mast lungis is what you see most on the streets, it is folded twice or thrice to give more air and worn some good five inches above the knees, while the full mast lungis are found mostly in weddings and funerals and worn generally as a sign of respect. As you move more towards the South of India from the North, more the flesh lungi exposes, and Chennai is almost like the lungi capital of India. Every morning you have five out of ten people wearing them in public, in the alley, at the coffee shops even inside the Shopping Malls, some of them driving BMWs and Skodas. Let me forewarn you, it is not a very pretty sight…..

Booze Metric

If you have just passed out of college, and were planning to blow off our salary on weekends with some good quality booze, this is not the place for you. Thanks to the Govt. Liquor regulation in Tamil Nadu you only get the liquors that are manufactured in the state, which means even people with 10 times your salary have to be content with ‘Shiva Beer’ on ‘Madras Beer’ on some unfortunate days when Kingfishers are out of stock. If you are trying to cut down your boozing this is a great place. About the food here heh!, the lesser said, the better it is.

Despite some of the things being so unusual in this city for many people, I would say that Chennai is not something like the 'last metropolitan in the country you would want to live in; all the cities have their own set of problems and style of living. But Chennai is a lot more unique than most other cities, and one can take a long time to like it, but eventually you would like it, that's for sure.

The Shameless Stare......

2009-12-27T02:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was waiting for a Bus at the Ekkattuthungal Bus Stop and was staring down the road wondering when the bus will turn up and if it will bother to stop when it does, just then a cute looking girl standing amongst the crowd caught the focus of my eye and I started shooting regular 5 sec glimpses at her…and while I was exercising my pervert demeanor in public, I had missed two white board M70s(Bus I was supposed to catch and usually very infrequent)…but it wasn’t much alerting coz I was in no hurry to go to work, and this is a routine and not a one-off thing which happened yesterday, just that you don’t spot cute girls at the Ekkattuthungal Bust stand everyday.

Though I have been disciplined all my life not to stand and gawk at girls, but this has often resulted in obsessively contemplating staring while the target is in sight and ignoring almost everything else, loads of people do it everyday ….at Malls and Supermarkets, at workplaces while idling in your office chair, standing at annoying long queues in the cafeteria…..you let us laze for a moment and we will be at it, its in our genes, we have to do it, its one of those things which sometimes keeps me alert and awake in my office(not the coffee).

Now staring in public and then getting caught may not sound too negative for loafers like me, but for others it could ruin whatever little reputation one might have had in workplaces and neighborhoods, coz not many people actually realize this, but females apparently have wider peripheral vision because they have more of the receptor rods and cones in the retina, which in non-geek means they are biologically equipped to catch us when we are busy relaxing our eyes with delight,... some hot girls actually get offended when men don’t stare at them, it’s a fact…they like all the stares and the attention they get for free, and no matter how we try to camouflage our exploits they invariably know it and enjoy it, though we have no threat here coz these are safe targets, its the other breed of females that has been a problem…and over the years men have tried all sorts of techniques and ways for solution…like hunting in numbers and using our buddies as our best defense, thereby taking short glimpses in between our conversations, even using complex reflection techniques when just a simple stare may not be enough and a Complete Check Out(CCO) is the need of the hour.

But this is Risky business and should not be tried by the slow and Blockheaded people as they could call trouble on their completely innocent buddies who might have had a clean track record in these things.
Now when you are caught in your act and your target is not one of those who beams with joy when gawked at by strange people, here’s what you can get away with:

1. She might stare back at you with anger and possibly muttering under her breath ‘how a sick lecherous old pervert you are’, or she might just get away from your sight if she is uncomfortable with direct contact but she will still be muttering those same words.
2. ‘Paraya Ladkiyon ko Ghoorte hue Sharm nahi aati’ or ‘Ghar mein maa behen nahi hai kya’ if you have failed miserably with a CO. (Do not charge for using vulgar language or you will be redirected to 3) .
3. Public Beating if you have tried a CCO which went horribly wrong or if you tried to play smart and accused the girl of staring at you instead.
, Though far worse things have happened to people if you have followed IndiaTV or AajTak regularly.

All Men could be divided into people who gawk and ‘those who gawk but don’t get caught’. There’s nothing wrong in getting caught, Heads of State from several countries have been caught in the act by media over the years. Latest examples where made in the G8 summit in July this year. The Camerawallas were quick to capture them in moments that would make their wives proud. Some have been lucky but some weren’t…….

Heheh...Everybody stares ...look at all of them, busy in COs...

Random Musings on One Fine Morning

2009-12-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

Today I have exactly completed 4 months in Chennai and we are also into the last month of the year. It seems so fast time has passed. Once I had this situation for another twelve times, I would be bidding adieu to another damn year. Why am I starting a post with another sorry and dull tale on how we are getting old and how miserable life is???....maybe coz I have a shitty job, I live in a lousy place in Chennai, or maybe coz I am a nutcase......Not that I am worried about it...and I hardly worry about anything…and these things would figure somewhere near the bottom in my list of things to worry about. Here is the list of High priority Problems which would put real pain in my buttocks in course of life.

1. Dying Old

2. A Nuclear War (with radiation all over you body, death cannot be more painful)

3. Global Warming (Now think about this: No Land for crops + heat that lets roast a Man

+ No Food ---->Human Cannibalism)

4. Dying doing the same shitty work as you are doing now.

5. Getting Married (to clarify, not getting married isn’t a problem but getting married is)

On the fifth point, most people get married with any cuckoo they lay their hands on, thinking nothing better will come along(which is also true), and then they end up spending a fortune on a stupid big wedding, which could have been spent more wisely on a VW Passat or on a Month Long trip to Europe. No one cares about weddings, I hate Wedding parties, it’s the most foolish way of wasting tons of money…..You want to blow away your money and of your parents too???, I will give you a better idea, Give The Money to Me...I will put it into far better use than you dumb heads can dream of.

Coming back to my time in Chennai, now some might feel that my job is a big piece of shit….but stop high-fiving you sadistic morons, b’coz it is the best one you will ever be able to get. To elaborate on my work experience in Chennai: I am getting paid for resting my ass on the office chair for 8 hrs a day and just to highlight a few things on my tough time in office……which included snoring at my office chair with an open mouth(disgusting?, I know), exaggerating all the lies in my resume to my office colleagues, feigning interest in whatever boring activities my superiors fill their weekends with, maintaining a fake smile frozen on my face when my Boss tries to say something funny…..and having done it for four long months, it has been tough to be my own slothful self. But hey!! No one is complaining, as long as I have my salary credited at the end of every month...and when I feel I have made enough money, I will give a thought about contributing something to the company revenue (Right now my contribution is in negatives, taking all the free coffee and other company freebies into account), and when I realize I had enough, I will leave and rob someone else.

Durgapur Diary

2009-03-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

Writing is one of those things which I feel is like an exercise, I am never in a mood for it, but I feel invariably better after I do it. But as my college days are getting numbered on fingertips, I felt I should keep a diary of some of my memorable experiences in my four years in college. It’s difficult to put all those memories into verse but I will try not to bore…I can't promise though.

My Durgapur Travel Diary

Traveling to places while in NIT Durgapur has probably produced more stories to narrate than any other activity here....not moving around the campus, but in general, going places with friends for Quizzes, Fests....and there have been so many of them in my final year itself......Calcutta Trips (which includes loitering around Park Street for hours), Trip to Allahabad, to Spring Fest, the Legendary Gangtok Trip....and I got amazing stories from all of them. I wanted to scribble about it in a different way…..right from the Origin or the Idea of the trips, to the aftermath..but the latter is invariably empty pockets, sore bumps and some great memories...

The Idea of Traveling
When you have been planning something for ages with great fervor and heart, you want that thing to be done in the most spectacular way but every time there is an opportunity to follow it up there is some trouble and the plan becomes history, only to reappear once again from the dead for a brief period of enthusiastic conversation to get buried once again. This is exactly what happens when you plan trips with friends. Its just that the planning and hype over something creates so much of doubt about its actual existence, that we are eventually forced to give up all that...and back our spontaneity to take decisions. That has been always been the motto in life...you make your choices based on nothing and then see what is in store for you next, and i crave for that stuff...among the number of trips this year, some were planned but it never took long to put that plan in the trash and then enjoy the thrills of uncertainty.

I personally have never traveled with a plan, at least while traveling for my quizzing trips there has never been a plan, we never had our bags packed, we were never sure if we had the right amount of cash, not even about the most relevant of questions 'whether we are going at all?', and the questions about the tour itinerary, even if they are raised by mistake, are brushed off with the most slothful of remarks...

"Arre wo sab chod, baad me dekhlenge"

But the best of trips are actually unplanned, the feeling of incertitude and the excitement of not knowing what is going to happen next is what can make a simple journey a real exciting one. I have traveled so many times along with Nagpal(faithful friend and Quiz pal) for quizzes and before each one of them started we slept late, completely unsure about what is going to happen tomorrow, and in the morning if one of us wakes up there was the 'moment of truth' when he yells out "Oye jaana hai kya?" , first we stare around the room, scratching our heads then we do our calculation to see whether it is humanly possible to make it to our destination, a few more glances at each other and we know we are going, even if it takes a superhuman effort to even reach there forget performing in the Quizzes, ..and against all the odds we have always made it to the quizzes just on time. These things might look very ordinary, but they always made us crave for more such trips.
The experience of being completely unsure about the next moment is something that I will definitely miss when I finish my college. These days, I always know what’s going to happen next...the same thing that happened yesterday...goof around, gossip, sleep, sleep, lather, rinse, repeat. It’s enough to make someone die of exhaustion. Going around places actually kept me motivated...when you are short on real life challenges(even if there are some, I am not doing anything about them), such things help to keep life on the move and exciting, as the best escape from our usual sick routine...i am glad i have always tried to get out of the routine...

Nothing 'New' this Year

2009-01-09T14:48:00.000-08:00

2009 is here and so is the cold wave, as temperatures dip down, the air seems a bit chillier than three days back and I haven’t had a morning breakfast for a fortnight . The Cold weather is not something that will lift anyone’s spirits, with no bright sunshine till three in the afternoon (even that is rare these days) a quarter of the day is soaked up in gloom, and then we have the nights which are longer and cold, curbing many of our co-curricular activities (which includes nothing important that is worth mentioning)…or you could say in other words that there is less action and sometimes more of mindless musings. So I sat back looking down the years gone by, contemplating about my sick life, how I get up every morning thinking what should I do for the whole day and the disgust I feel when I realize how big a loser I have been, how I waived goodbye at the opportunities that had come my way and how I blew the ones I took, how I can spend long hours doing absolutely nothing, how I try everyday to inject some discipline into my system, set some target in sight, a goal or anything to keep myself motivated with the real world , but all in vain….and this is what I do these days, I blog about by sorry saga, let people know how sick a person can be, well that’s how sick life is these days….and definitely thrs nothing new about this new year…it is exactly same as last year, and the year before…I have my same stupid routine…get up late, eat sleep, eat, get drunk, sleep, repeat …I am doing nothing anything about it. I don’t know whether I will have a job at the end of the semester, my department always reminds me of my sick grades, I can’t eat the filthy mess food and I can’t do a damn thing about…boy em frustrated...sorry guys nothing new about this new year for me… !!

Happy New Year to all!!!!

A Tribute to Humanity.....

2008-12-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

With my exams coming to an end a week back, I was desperately looking for something to keep myself busy or entertained. I couldn’t find any TV sitcom or drama, and sadly there was a scarcity of good movies on the college lan with people leaving for home. But on the shinier side of things the download speed was ridiculously high, which also brought upon the toilsome process of selecting movies to watch through out the holidays. To set the tone for my month long cine fest I wanted to see an El Clásico, which could keep me revered for a long time. After hours of contemplation and browsing through the net for possible Clásico recommendations I stumbled upon a ‘Best Films of The Century’ list by The Village Voice which ranked The Godfather 12th, tied with Satyajit Ray’s Pather Panchali (The Song of the Little Road). Though there are host of such lists by various magazines, but this was alarming, since the number of people here who have seen The Godfather would easily outnumber the ones who have seen or even heard of Pather Panchali. Considering the movie was filmed not far from were we stay, this was no more than a shame for all those who brag about the Orson Welles and Marlon Brando(no disrespect to them). Not surprisingly I couldn’t find the movie or any part of the trilogy in our college lan which even boasts of a collection of Korean and Thai movies, and I wanted to unveil this mystery..,that why a movie of such stature is utterly ignored by people who spent half the time of their day watching movies???, and no better way to find out than to watch the film itself.

Though I had seen it a long time back, but after watching it for the second time, it still managed to leave me stunned. With all the technological advancements in film making it still stands out as a piece of gem and is immaculate in all the technical aspects of film making. Its exceptional way of story telling, flawless sequences, shadow play and its candid simplicity takes one’s breath away. As the title of the film suggests it is a poetic fable demonstrating hope, tragedy, innocence and love without any artificial emotions and melodrama. Actors who played the lead roles in the film never acted in a film again. Before this film Ray had absolutely no experience of film direction and had a cinematographer who had never used a camera. Some of the initial shots of the film were taken with a 16mm camera as he had serious budget constraints with him mortgaging his entire life insurance for funds. But Pather Panchali comes closest to the portrayal of human life than any other movie. It does not have any complex plots but the sheer simplicity in which various complex facets of humanity are depicted keeps the viewers spellbound. The naivety and the innocence of the two children (Durga and Apu) touched me more than anything else, which was deepened by Ray’s artistic brilliance. Scenes in which Apu discovers the train at the outskirts of the village and runs towards it to find out where it is heading also the one where Durga and Apu chase a candyman across the village roads and Ray follows their reflections in the pond are only a few examples of Ray’s ingenuity. Not surprisingly the international audience was quick to take notice of Ray's cinematic artistry, and consequently Pather Panchali had put Indian cinema on the world stage, inspiring many more films of this genre. Lastly to the mystery which drove me to watch this film again(I don’t regret it..i can watch it again), I still have no idea but to all those who haven’t seen this movie or any Ray movie, I would just quote Akira Kurosawa…

“Not to have seen the cinema of Ray means existing in the world without seeing the sun or the moon."

Let's set our own house in order...

2008-12-13T12:29:00.000-08:00

A profound shift from the last post, but nevertheless requires some grave attention as a fortnight has passed since the Terror attacks on Mumbai and still the people of Mumbai are coming to terms with those 60 hours of horror and trauma. The only thing that has looked upright in these days is that the people have not gone tired speaking about it as the reverse usually happens after such attacks. People have actually acknowledged the seriousness of the attacks this time as it has comfortably surpassed even our standards as a front line state reeling under terror.
In the past fortnight I have been watching the political blame game and the leveling of accusations on the politicians over the Terror Attacks, something which was definitely not surprising to see, as our politicians see these times ripe enough to cash in on some valuable vote banks. Things have become real gloomy as the Government has failed to give a clear assurance to its people that such heinous acts will not be repeated. But one still begs the question that how much we have contributed to set things right,… how often do we follow traffic rules if we don’t see a policeman in sight, on how many occasions have we even cared to cast a vote during elections, we can’t even stand in a simple queue for 15 minutes if we don’t see someone in khakhi wielding his lathi around. Surely it is about time to rise above the usual practice of blaming our politicians for all that is grim. We must have a good look at ourselves before we damn our politicians, who have continued to fail us no matter how bad things are…Maybe it is something inherent in our way of doing things, time and again we see after every terror attack, the government blaming Pakistan responsible, but we cannot do anything further than that, cause we cannot bombard them as both of us have a nuclear arsenal and might lead to a serious international crisis. So the government waits for the people of our country to forget about it and then it is usual business again before there is another such attack. But can you believe the Pakistanis executing such acts with unerring execution without internal help. The never-ending corruption in our country only makes things easier for these terrorists. How can every chapter on terror in our country come to a close with the damning of Pakistan when we have groups like ULFA, Naxals and Bodo roaming around with AKs and planting bombs in trains without fear. I think it is wiser to set our own house in order before we pelt stones at someone else’s, and for that we have to first change ourselves before we expect any change in the mindset of our politicians. American Presidents are known for some real catchy quotes and one of them applies here very aptly…”Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”.

Wasteland....

2008-12-13T10:37:00.000-08:00

Well, I feel so proud being part of a hapless group of people, a breed that has reached the zenith of wastefulness, we do nothing but stay glued to the comp screen, watch any movie that is rated in imdb, download any crap on mininova with a high seed to leecher ratio…...we have no stress of our own, but we get worried if Hiro Nakamura loses his power of time travel or when Michael Schofield feels he has to wait for a few more episodes to get rid of T-Bag....but when we do have some stress or any kind of latent hostility, it usually amounts to attending three lectures a day..or worse could be getting bulldozed over in a viva….some of us even make forlorn faces after getting a zero in a class test!!!(which is something you can ponder over if u have made an attempt to study…)

But we let all that out before it becomes trouble for our heavily underutilized grey cells...even if it is the utter disgust of being completely wasteful or just the frustration of not being useful to the society…we flush all that down by just sitting in front of our beloved comp for hours.... slaughtering jihadis in counter strike, refreshing the mail inbox, watching porn, if you don’t find us gaping in front of the screen you would know that the lan server is down...and all this crap that I have scribbled is also part of this wasteland...its too long for my first post i guess....