Musings of a Crazy Guy in Madras

This would be my first post of 2010, not that I was unable to find time for this in the past 11 months, but in fact I had used most of my spare time in some extra hours of sleep. I will try to share some points on my survival in Chennai so far, and how my opinion about the city has altered in these months.

When I came to Chennai a year back, and spent the first three months, I was completely convinced that this is the worst place to live in. I never liked the food; it still takes every ounce of my will power to gulp down the sambhar rice. Tried very hard to learn and speak Tamil, I was pretty close with the pronunciations , but soon realized that it is beyond my scope, and didn’t waste much time to quit (I usually quit real quick); though to my dying day I will never know how I spoke Tamil 16 yrs back. I never thought I will survive a year in this place, but as often the case with relationships, where often discontentment and reluctance is followed by acceptance, and when you don’t see much options on the horizon, you tend to settle for what you have and try to hold on to it (usually the case with many Indian Marriages), my relationship with Chennai is of a similar kind. I have kind of accepted Chennai with all its faults and defects, till I find an appropriate and sensible way of moving to a different city.

Here are a few points about life in Chennai which might be of some help if you are planning to move here. All the thambis following this blog can ignore them….

Weather

Be prepared to lead a life when you have just one Season in your calendar, and that would be the season of summer. Yes, life in Chennai is not like the 500 Days of summer (for those who have mistaken summer as Zooey Deschanel), but more like the Days of Summer till the City Stands. The concept of winter, spring and every other season that we have in our calendar is alien to chennaites. No one can remember the last time the temperature dipped below 25 degrees. And it is not just the heat; because of its proximity to the ocean its humid too, so within minutes of you stepping outside of your home you will have sweat dripping from all over your body like a Rainforest.

Greenery

You won’t believe your control over ‘Tharak’ and the limits you would be able to push yourself to, this place is like the Azkaban for people who are a little too desperate… sometimes I feel some of the frustration is wiped off as sweat in the Chennai heat and the rest of it is dumped in some garbage bag inside your head. And the longer you stay in Chennai those garbage bags will keep piling up inside your head, to the point that it will blur your vision for girls around you. Someone who might have been ‘not good enough’ 6 months back, might start to look jerkworthy.. Only way to clear your head and avoid any possible fatal mistake about your life (like falling in love..), is to get out of the city to any other city in the country, and don't be surprised to see yourself jerking-off at every corner of the street in that city. I have seen people who have been driven mad momentarily when they landed at the Delhi airport from Chennai.

Lungi Capital

In Chennai, men are content to cover up just the ugliest curves of the male body while some less known ugly curves are kept exposed and open for everyone’s attention, which sums up to an extent the concept of the lungi in south India. So do not feel uncomfortable when you see people walking around in Lungis, while in other parts of the country it’s a kind of a home garment, for mallus and thambis though it’s a symbol of freedom and three out of every five of them(cooked up stats) wear them on the streets.

Lungi is one heck of a creation from the man, considered as a symbol of manliness by many, though the evolution of the concept probably has less to do with the expression of masculinity and more with the idea of giving air to the privates (attributed to the terrible humidity in the city). Much like the National Flag it is worn at Half Mast or Full Mast. Half mast lungis is what you see most on the streets, it is folded twice or thrice to give more air and worn some good five inches above the knees, while the full mast lungis are found mostly in weddings and funerals and worn generally as a sign of respect. As you move more towards the South of India from the North, more the flesh lungi exposes, and Chennai is almost like the lungi capital of India. Every morning you have five out of ten people wearing them in public, in the alley, at the coffee shops even inside the Shopping Malls, some of them driving BMWs and Skodas. Let me forewarn you, it is not a very pretty sight…..

Booze Metric

If you have just passed out of college, and were planning to blow off our salary on weekends with some good quality booze, this is not the place for you. Thanks to the Govt. Liquor regulation in Tamil Nadu you only get the liquors that are manufactured in the state, which means even people with 10 times your salary have to be content with ‘Shiva Beer’ on ‘Madras Beer’ on some unfortunate days when Kingfishers are out of stock. If you are trying to cut down your boozing this is a great place. About the food here heh!, the lesser said, the better it is.

Despite some of the things being so unusual in this city for many people, I would say that Chennai is not something like the 'last metropolitan in the country you would want to live in; all the cities have their own set of problems and style of living. But Chennai is a lot more unique than most other cities, and one can take a long time to like it, but eventually you would like it, that's for sure.